i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
