Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
