Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
