i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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