Betty ford says i'm here all night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
