Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
