It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
