I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
