I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
