So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
