Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
