she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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