im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
