If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
