We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
