Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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