So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
