If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
