who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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