Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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