No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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