Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
