Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
