i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The air taste purple.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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