Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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