Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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