He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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