Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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