She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
NoShamevember. You game?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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