turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize