why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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