lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
