i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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