Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
