you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
