I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
