Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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