We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
