I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize