I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
