My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
