Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
