The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
