and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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