if i can run in heels then i can drive
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
