Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
