I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
