Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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