my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
