I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
