I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
