So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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