We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So vagazzling was a success
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
