I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
