yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we're so committed to being not committed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
