I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
