I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this boner is exhausting
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
