I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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