There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
