just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
