i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize