Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
