You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
