Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
