Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
