Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I supernannyed him into submission
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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