Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He kissed a someone with a penis
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
