the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
