My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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