she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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