Jerry, you need to find god
I am midnight drunk by noon
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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