ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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