And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
