His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
