i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
