So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize