dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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