Yo dont text me then not text me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
