I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
