I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
