The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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