Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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