his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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