How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
