think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
