He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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