what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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