This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
