Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize