I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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