I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
