my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
