BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
