He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
