i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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