Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize