His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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