i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I look better un-naked...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
