You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
