I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
