your parents love me but you hate me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
