The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
